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x: Dude why'd you even date her? She not very attractive and she's kind of lame.
xx: To be honest, I only dated her because she put out.
x: OH SNAP!
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Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
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friends only from now on.
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| Time: | 12:56 am. |
| Mood: |  enraged. |
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You are a fuck!
And your "friends" [I use that term loosly because I know how you really feel about them but are too chickenshit to say anything] are a bunch of fucks too!
You have no fucking idea what has been going on.
You read this and get tiny bits of information and think you know the whole damn situtaion, that you are in no way involved in.
I havent gone through all these guys like you think. There has been three, and not once have I ever said I was in love with any of them.
And I know what really happened with the whole Mac and Kelley thing.
And for you to go around saying the things you have said is fucking not cool.
I dont go around saying shit like that about you and the girls you are doing whatever with now do I?
Mac and I have a good relationship going and we have talked about all this shit before, I understand what has happened and what is going on.
I'm not stupid.
Also you and everyone else needs to shut the fuck up with the whole smoking thing.
Its getting really old and its not going to change a damn thing.
Speaking of change, yes I have changed and for the better.
I am happy with who I am and how my life is going right now so shove it up your ass you fuck.
So while youre still around you are your fucktard friends can talk shit, make fun of me, but when you are gone I am going to be glad to see you go.
And another thing dont you ever say anything about my father ever again.
You never knew him and you cant possibly begin to understand how he was.
You are a cock and a coward and if I ever see you again it will be too fucking soon.
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| Time: | 4:34 am. |
| Mood: | not caring anymore. |
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Some people are so fucking lame.
Seriously.
Dude, fuck you.
I'm going to go have a smoke.
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| Time: | 10:13 pm. |
| Mood: |  cold. |
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Yes, I have trust issues.
Hopefully that wont be the death of us.
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1) If you could name yourself what would your name be? Danielle is good
2) Favorite Day of the year: new years eve
3) Favorite Day of the week: friday
4) Favorite Color: purple, green, and pink
5) Song that describes how you feel about your life: maybe the ramones "not my place"
6) The person that you hate the most: my ex step father
7) Favorite Word: fucktard
8) 3 qualities in a person that you find attractive: sense of humor, personality, intellegence
9) Most Annoying Celebrity that you wish would go away: meh?
10) The song that makes you turn off the radio every time you hear it: I dont know what its called but its a dixie chicks song, I just cant stand that fucker
11) If you could be anyone or anything, what would you be? quite possibly Drew Barrymore
12) What is the stupidest thing you have ever said? it'd probably have to be one of those sentences where I forget what I am talking about half way through it and just makes noises instead of forming words
13) One thing you like about yourself: I make friends with awesome people
14) Favorite thing to wear: my dirty bag jeans, my purple shirt, and my sodas
16) Most memorable year in your life: either last year or when I was 11
17) The thing that annoys you the most: stupidity
18) A band that has no business making CDs: I cant think right now
19) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my low self esteem
20) If you could have anything right now, what would it be? ooooh unlimited amounts of cigarettes, 12 million rice nacho cheese gorditas, and Mac
21) Longest relationship: 8 months
22) Does true love last forever? I believe it does [call me a sap whatever]
23) What’s in your car? if I had a car probably a ton of CD's and shit
24) About how many CD’s do you own? about 100-150
25) If you were to kill yourself, how would you do it? put a gun to my head
26) What would you do for a thousand dollars? sleep
27) One word to describe yourself: fucktard
28) Favorite Food: mexican
29) One person you wish you could have sex with: Famous: Chris Martin, Nonfamous: I'm good
30) Three things you fear the most: the dark, rejection, growing old
31) Movie that you could watch a hundred times: any john waters film, ghost world, tankgirl, labrinyth, or empire records
32) Emotion to describe the way you feel about life: content
33) Random Word: fucktard
34) How times have you fallen in love? 1 1/2?
35) How many relationships have you ended? 2
36) Stereotypes people make about you: harsh
37) Would you rather talk about someone behind their back or to their face? I have the balls to tell people how it is
38) If you could eliminate one thing wrong with the world, what would it be? people
39) Peircings? vertical, lobes [5/16"], tongue, nipples, and navel. I really am concidering getting my septum done
40) If you could runaway right now, where would you go? some place warm and sunny
41) Favorite place to shop: thrift stores
42) People who don’t understand you: more than the number of people who do understand me
43) Would you rather be different or like everyone else? different
45) Favorite toy you had when you were younger: mud
46) If your life were a CD, what would be the title of it? now for your amusement
47) Something you can’t understand no matter how hard you try to: females [and that should say something to you seeing as I am one]
49) If you could take a picture of something right now, what would it be? Well I wish I had a video camera so I could have video taped earlier today when Mac got hit in the face with the rock and had blood all over his mouth.
50) Favorite website: homestarrunner.com or bradthegame.com
51) One thing you shouldn’t do, but do it anyways: drink, smoke, cuss, 98% of the shit I do daily.
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| Time: | 10:27 pm. |
| Mood: |  awake. |
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My boy got a bloody hole in his lip today.
It was sexy.
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| Time: | 10:38 am. |
| Mood: |  apathetic. |
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You're wrong.
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tonight = wow!
when a boy tells you...
"You're amazing."
and
"While I am still here in Syracuse I want to take care of you."
and
"I want to do something really special for you before I leave for school."
and
"What we have I want to be long term even if long distance gets involved."
and
"You make me really happy."
and
"Just to make things clear when I first started hanging out with you it was because I thought you were an awesome girl and wanted to be your friend not because I wanted a piece of ass."
and then basically tells you his life story and things hes never told anyone else before.
Plus intends to buy you a carton of cigarettes and beer when he gets his paycheck.
You know hes a keeper.
on another note:
My family has started to call me "Cheese" as in "Mac and Cheese" its kind of cute. And I'm really glad my family likes Mac because I plan on keeping him around.
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Thursday, July 24th, 2003
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If anyone needs/wants or knows anyone that needs/wants a livejournal code get ahold of me. I have them coming out my ass.
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Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003
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I think I have grown to dislike livejournal.
I really dont know if I want to write about stuff in here anymore.
It only causes drama.
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Alright so I am fairly over everyone hating me and blah blah blah. The way I see it is I have a month with this kid and I am not going to let other people ruin it. Fuck off and call me selfish but so many times have I sacrificed my own happiness for that of others. I want this and I am not going to apologize to anyone anymore for the decisions I have made.
Other than that bullshit I spent yet another day with the boy. As corny as it sounds but I have fallen for him, hard. And I dont know if I am going to be able to let him go in August. He has said things to me tonight and past nites so I know he feels the same way about me and it makes it even worse. I dont know how I am going to deal with him being in Pittsburg. I am not the type of person that asks someone else to drop anything for me and I will not do with Mac but the other nite he said something to me and I was just like stay here and move in with me. I dont know how he feels about it but I am willing to try to make a long distance relationship work. God, this weekend seems so far away. Hopefully I'll have my bed in my room by Saturday so we wont have to crash on the couch, even if we have to oh well just as long as we can cuddle I am ok with it. Also this weekend I have been told I am being taken out to dinner, something "romantic". Yes I want to pee myself I am so giddy right now. Ok I need to stop now...yea.
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| Time: | 2:48 pm. |
| Mood: | depressed. |
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"As selfish as it may sound, you've got to make yourself happy before anyone else."
Great words of wisdom Aaron but I cant be happy unless everyone else involved in the situtaion is happy also, which means I will more or less sacrfice my own happiness so others wont be hurt.
I seriously hate myself somedays.
"I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour but heaven knows I'm miserable now."
This is stupid, I am stupid, the end.
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Attempting to cook while you are drunk isnt the brightest idea.
"Kids dont try this at home."
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I have so much stuff to talk about I honestly have no idea where to begin.
I realize that I classify a lot of stuff as being "awesome" or "amazing" but this past week and especially the past three days have been fucking awesome and completely uh-mazing. So obiviously I have been hanging out with Mac a lot this past week and he has basically spend the weekend with me three days two nights and I can not get enough of this kid. And the other nite I am fairly sure we made things offical and he has gone from being " my friend Mac" to being the boy. That makes so happy. I understand taht doing this now is really not a good idea because I will only have a month with him but I cant help it. He is just the most amazing thing I have meet in a long time. Also another new developement. I am moving. In about a week I will more or less have my own place. Well actually I'll be living with my brother and my cousins but still I will have my own room, computer, bathroom, digial cable, the works. I'll be in Nedrow. Which for everyone who doesnt know it is south of the south side of syracuse. So now I am a hell of a lot closer to everyone and by the end of this summer I intend on having my license so this is going to be badass. I am really starting to wonder though, things are god REALLY good and because I think far too much i just get this feeling that eventaully something is going to come and knock me on the ass and be like "hey you suck and dont deserve any of this good stuff taht is happening" I dont know maybe its because I am always certain that everyone knew I meet will in some way let me down and I just set myself up for disappointment. That is a really shitty way to live but thats me for you. I dont know I am going to stop thinking about all that shit and bask in my sunshine while I have god damn it.
And I would like to apologize to anyone I am hurting with the decisions I am making, You all still mean a lot to me and I still want you all in my life but I am the type of person that follows their emotions and right now this is what my emotions are telling me to do. Once again I say I am sorry to those this entry has hurt.
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Thursday, July 17th, 2003
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I am totally rocking out to Danzig right now!
I am cooler than fuck, you bastards.
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| Time: | 3:13 am. |
| Mood: |  nostalgic. |
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I think I am starting to hate myself.
That isnt a good thing is it?
Aaron you have totally changed everything about what I was feeling earlier. I fucking miss you more than you will possibly ever know. I love the fact that even though we have been to hell and back with one another I know I can turn to you with anything and you will be there. Seriously you are one of my best friends and I know you have my back as I do yours. Why couldnt things ave worked out? I doubt we will ever know but I think its made us both stronger and now we know that shit happens but true friends [no matter what] never go away. I love you, seriously.
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| Time: | 12:37 am. |
| Mood: |  calm. |
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28 Days Later is definately better the 3rd time around.
Hung out with Chris today. We talked a lot about whats been going on lately and I guess things are cool. I am glad too because seriously both him and Mac are such awesome guys and I dont things to get fucked up with either of them. I mean both are going to be gone in about a month so I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I just really want things to work out right for once.
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Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
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What the fuck have I done?
I totally did not mean to come between friends.
I know Chris says its not my fault but it completely is.
I dont want Mac or Chris mad at me and I dont know what to do anymore.
Boys are trouble.
Also I talked to Alex [sigh]. If there is anyway for me to get to Chicago in August I am so going to do that. I want to see Alex so much. God why cant I be in his bed right now? If I were, none of this shit would have happened. Why cant things go right for once in my fucking miserable life?
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Wha wha what in the world? Yea I have found some shit out tonight that makes me kind of sad and really disappointed but I really dont care to discuss it. The past two days have completely ruled [or atleast I think so] and I dont want to turn things into shit so I am just going to get totally sloshed and harass people online. I think I might kidnap Mac Friday...
*******
Blah blah blah I am fucking bored!
Current:
Clothes - jeans, skull tshirt, red sweater, and under garments
CD in Player - the [international] noise conspiracy
Worry - what I am gunna do when people leave for school
Crush - there are a few and I am sure everyone knows who they are
Music - the [international] noise conspiracy
Taste - cigarettes and beer
Hair - is doing its own thing
Annoyance - shoulders hurt
Smell - my room which doesnt really have a scent
Desktop Picture - a faerie
Book - none
Music Questions
What song most expresses your...
Love - the descendents - silly girl
Hate - propagandi - back to the motor league
Happiness - atom - hats off the halford
Confusion - meh?
Sadness - jimmy eat world - get you me/ the smiths - asleep
Basics...
First Name - Danielle
Hair Color - brown
Middle Name - Lee [say my name fast and its sounds like its Danielley
Hair Style - short
Eye Color - green/blue/grey
Height - 5'5
Birthday - October 4, 1984
Zodiac Sign - libra
Do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend? - NO!
Favorites...
Animal - kittens
Sport - drinking
Color - green, purple, and pink
Friend - I cant choose a favorite friend
Band - seeing that I have been into these guys since I was in 5th grade I'll go with Weezer
Song - right now there are a ton
Quote - "I want a lover I dont have to love. I want a boy whos drunk he doesnt talk." "I'm just doing my part in the deconstruction of America."
Store - thrift stores are good
Feeling - on my way to being drunk and content
Shoe - flip flops
Scent - a person's body scent is hot
Do you...
Wear make-up - yes but you can barely tell
Move fast or slow in a relationship - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I guess it depends on the boy
Prefer blondes or brunettes - I've noticed that I tend to fall for boys with lighter colored hair but it doesnt really matter
Personality or looks - a sense of humor
What kind of personality do you like in a guy/girl? - a sense of humor, thoughtful, kind, I hate this question
What is your idea of the perfect guy/girl - common interest, will listen to me talk about my past and not judge, will get drunk and chain smoke with me, will let me cuddle with them, can make me laugh so hard I piss myself, I dont fucking know.
In the last month have you...
Fucked - no...
Made out - yes
Gone on a date - I've never been on a date
Gone to the mall - yes
Eaten Oreos - no
Eaten sushi - no
Been on stage - no
Been dumped - no
Watched The Smurfs - no
Hiked a Mountain - no
Made cookies - no
Been in love - love can suck my nonexistent nuts
More stuff...
What are you doing right now - filling out a lame survey
What song are you listening to - Family Guy
Preferences...
Cold or hot - cold
Lace or satin - satin
Blue or red - red
New or old - old
Rain or snow - rain
Give or recieve - give
Rose or daisy - rose
Private school or public - public
Chocolate or Plain milk - I dont like milk
Spring or fall - spring
Inny or outty - innie
Now or then - now is good
English or math - I was better at math
Bath or shower - shower but when I am lazy bath
Cursive or print - chicken scratch [print]
Paranoid or cautious - paranoid
Heights or crowds- crowds creepy me out
Half-full or half-empty - half empty
Top or bottom - bottom, I'm lazy
Speeding or running red lights - speeding when I drive
Gold or silver - silver
Jammies or naked - half and half
Neurotic or psychotic - neurotic
Do you talk to yourself - yes
In the past 24 hours have you...
Had a serious talk - I guess so
Hugged someone - yes
Fought with a friend - no
Cried - no
Laughed - hell yes
Made someone laugh - doubtful
Bought something - yes
Flirted with someone - I guess you could call it that
Felt stupid - when do I NOT feel stupid?
Missed someone - yes
What do you think when you hear this name:
Jennifer - Jeni
Megan -
Brandon - my cute little gay friend I never see anymore
Mark -
Ryan -
Derek - the one that would constantly make fun of me when I dated Jamie
Lisa -
Matt - Wioneck [sp?]
Jackie -
Kat -
Joseph - the "professional retard" I met at WalMart back in the day
Patrick -
Your "so called" friends...
Spend most time with - lately its been Mac and Chris
Best house - mine?
Funniest - Mac
Knows you the best - Aaron
Most shy - I dont know shy people
Always negative - probably me
Most trustworthy - Aaron
Biggest flirt - all of my friends are flirts, including myself
Best dressed - my friends dress like scum bags but its cool I like that
Best eyes - Mac, Alex, and Aaron
Most depressed - I dont really know
Who has the best room - Aaron had a pretty badass room but then again I havent been in it in about a year
Who follows you - no one I am not a leader
Who do you pretend to like but can't stand - all of my friends I can stand
Do you make friends easily - lately I have been
Are you intimidated by any of your friends - back in the day Tim would scare the holy hell out of me but now I just want to cuddle with him
If you were stuck on an island, who'd you want there - Aaron because I know for a fact he is about the only person I can stand being around every single day and not get sick of
Who do you think would risk their life to save yours - hopefully all of my friends but I doubt it, maybe just Aaron and Tim
Who's the biggest junk food junkie - I dunno, not me, I dont eat
Who do you think has the nicest mom - my mom is cool, I dont really know anyones mom
Who do you think has the nicest dad - everyone I know has a fucked up dad but if mine were still alive I would say him because he was fucking badass
Who do you have the most inside jokes with - possibly Aaron and Tim
Love life...
Do you have a crush - yes
Whats his or her name - there is about 5 of them
How old are they - ranging from 18 to 20
If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be - Chris Martain, Jack White, Drew Barrymore
If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be - a lot of people
Do you prefer being the dumper or the dumpee - both suck
Do you think there is a person for everyone - I hope so
If yes, do you know who yours is - not a damn clue
Do you believe in love at first sight - no
Have you ever been in love - maybe I think, I dont really know anymore
What do you think love is - I'll let you know
Do you want to get married - maybe at some point
How many times - only once if any, divorce will not happen in my marriage
What do you like about your crush or b/f, g/f - each person has about 20 things I dig about them
Tough or hardcore guys/girls - I like a boy who will cuss and pick his nose and spit and burp and chain smoke and get drunk with me and not think its gross or stupid when I do any of those things so whatever that is classified as is the kind of boy I like
Sweet or innocent guys/girls - sweet
Smart or athletic guys/girls - smart
Fave cologne/perfume on a guy/girl - body scent
Best gift a guy/girl could give - anything where they are spending time with me
Flowers... sweet or wasteful - sweet
Who asks who out first - doesnt matter
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bombsxgoxboom's journal
bored.
giddy.
distressed.